Eros

     In C.S. Lewis' book The Four Loves, he addresses four different kinds of love.  Our assignment was to read the section titled Eros, that is, the love between the sexes.  Lewis does a good job of looking at this kind of love from different angles.  One would expect this passage to be all about sexual attraction, but Lewis says "sexual experience can occur without Eros, without being 'in love,' and that Eros includes other things besides sexual activity."  Not too long ago, marriages were arranged early on in life between two children; they never had Eros in their relationship.  Lewis says "the times and places in which marriage depends on Eros are in a small minority."  I think this is important to note because, especially this day in age, we put so much emphasis on finding one's "soul mate" or a girl falling dramatically in love with her "knight in shining armor."  This "falling in love" may happen (I wouldn't know) but it doesn't last.  This part of love is a privilege some people get to experience for longer than others. But Lewis points out that "falling in love happens to us" but "being in love is something we do."  I think that if we are always in the state we are in when we first fell in love, marriage is going to be a huge disappointment because we will realize that our partner is indeed not perfect.
      Another thing that Lewis says that I think is important is that "sexual desire wants it, the thing in itself;  Eros wants the Beloved."  Often a man thinks he wants a woman, but really, he only needs her to get what he really wants-sex.  Lewis compares this to a packet of cigarettes, for "one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes."  Eros is so much more than this "by-product" of sex; in Eros,  a man desires one particular woman and sees within her what is admirable, not just what he can get from her physically.  Lewis even says that "Eros, without diminishing desire, makes abstinence easier."
     Another thing that we talked about in class is the role of the man and woman in the marriage and I really liked the comparison Lewis makes with a husband being to his wife "what Christ is to the Church.  He is to love her as Christ loved the Church--and give his life for her."  Unfortunately, I don't know what it's like to have a father or a husband (working on that...) who is a strong leader in the household.  My mom had a rough time in high school and settled for the first guy she could get (I do still love my father, although I don't like how he treated my mother).  My father did not take the initiative and their marriage fell apart.  I'm not saying that all marriages with this problem fall apart, but without the husband taking this role, there is a greater strain on the relationship.  I've learned from my mother (and my grandparents who have been married over 50 years (:  ) to not settle, and to work hard in my relationships.  I think it is really important for us to figure out exactly what we want in a husband (or a wife) before we even start dating because it can be so easy to end up in relationships that don't work out.  There are going to be problems in every relationship but it's how you deal with them that determines if it's going to last.
    Finally, Lewis gives us the beautiful picture of what love should be:  "Eros never hesitates to say, "Better this that parting.  Better to be miserable with her than happy without her.  Let our hearts break provided they break together."  No one is ever going to get that fairy tale happy ending.  There are going to be many struggles.  A person whom you love is going to stick by your side while you're going through life's storms and come out stronger with you on the other side.  We need to want to be with that person "for better or worse, in sickness and in health...etc."  These vows are more than just words--the sickness and the "worse" are for real going to come.  "To be in love is both to intend and to promise fidelity."